How Indigo Terra came to be.
My parents considered naming me Indigo.
Yes, you read that right. My parents considered the name Indigo, along with Rachel and Ryan.
What compelled them to name me after the most forgotten color in the rainbow? The traditional Rachel and Ryan make sense…but Indigo? Where did that come from?
To be honest, I don’t know. I’ve asked many times…but no answer has ever satisfied.
What if…?
What if I was born Indigo?
Once I knew I was almost named Indigo, I often wondered what my life would be like “as Indigo”…
Would I have been treated differently as Indigo? Would I turn out better or worse? Would I be a good kid or a bad kid? How does one measure success? Why do we measure success? Isn’t existence enough?
I digress in a state of wonder…a common predicament…
Behind the color
Over the years I have researched the history behind the color Indigo.
Indigo is arguably the oldest dye in human history. Indigo comes from the Indian plant, Indigofera tinctoria. Indigo was the most popular dye on the market for centuries… due in part to its accessibility, attractiveness and speedy drying process. The dye became a highly coveted product and to no surprise, exploitation followed. In fact, Gandhi’s first peaceful protest involved working conditions of indigo farmers.
Further, Indigo is a beautiful color. #4B0082. The mix of blue and violet. Some people question the purpose of including indigo in the rainbow. Why not mix green and blue instead, for turquoise, a much more recognizable color in nature? Was indigo simply a trendy color that Issac Newton included for superstitious reasons? (I read Optiks to see if I could figure out more about the “discovery” of ROYGBIV…and while it was enlightening to read, I didn’t get my answers…in fact, I was left with even more questions!)
Spiritual
I have met many interesting people over my lifetime and more often than not, in the unlikeliest of circumstances. For instance I was once told by an Uber driver that I have a blue-purple aura around me. They specifically said Indigo and later in the car ride they introduced me to the concept of Indigo children. They were a spiritual person and at the time I was pretty skeptical about any alternative religious ideologies (Roman Catholic upbringing will do that to ya). But over the years I found myself coming back to that unusual observation from a stranger. I’ve been taught to understand the world through logic and reason so the idea of an aura seemed nearly absurd. But the interaction was genuine. It made me curious and ultimately led me down a path of researching perception and reality…
Identity
A little over a year ago I began to introduce myself to new friends as Indigo. I was trying out the “new” name, seeing how it fit. Dipping my toes, as it were. I found out I liked being called Indigo…it was different, just like me!
But dreaded fear kept me from changing it and telling people in my life who already knew me as Rachel. I wasn’t ready for rejection, to be met with resistance, to have to explain my rationale…I didn’t want to let down those I love, those who raised me. So much energy into trying to control others perceptions of me…it wasn’t sustainable long term.
As time progressed, whenever someone addressed me as Indigo instead of Rachel, it would bring a smile to my face. And as that smile grew, an ambivalence towards Rachel grew with it.
I’ve reflected and journaled why that is and the only explanation I have to give you at this time is the name Indigo is a choice. I much prefer choosing my own identity than someone dictating it for me.
Surname
I considered keeping my last name for a time…but once I learned the administrative and emotional efforts required of me to change my first name, I began to reconsider the last name. I might as well do it all at once….as I intend to be writing my own story from here on out.
I chose Terra, Latin for Earth, as an homage to this planet we call home. Surnames are family names and I have 8 billion family members. I am of the Earth and never want to forget my roots. Nature calms me, water delights me and fresh air invigorates me. As digital realities become more common, I want to be reminded of the physical realm as much as possible.
Tipping point
A few months ago I was met with some challenging news at work. For various reasons outside of my control, I had to find a new role for the new year.
As I updated my resume, I felt a sense of pride looking at my professional accomplishments over the years. The only part that didn’t quite feel right was my name, in big bold letters at the top of the page! At this point the name Indigo brought me so much happiness and self assurance and I was very disconnected from Rachel. I already knew that I wanted to leave this earth as Indigo, so I figured starting on a new team, meeting loads of new people…this is the perfect opportunity for me to finally embrace myself fully!
An invitation
There is no time like the present.
When I would question my life “as Indigo” I began to uncover a fresh new world of possibilities. Suddenly, without the constraints of my given name, I was free to be whatever I wanted to be.
Indigo is brave and confident. Indigo is a change agent. Indigo is an artist, a writer, a lover, a friend. Indigo has always been a part of Rachel. There was no Rachel without Indigo, just as there is no Indigo without Rachel. We are me. I am one, yet not alone…
Release and Advance
I hope this writing begins to illuminate the purpose behind my name change.
For those who are curious, please keep asking the difficult questions. I appreciate the chance to explain. It’s not always easy to articulate my state of being but I will try. I seek to be understood, although I know it will not come easily…and for some, it may never be possible. That’s ok. At the very least, I hope to be respected as a fellow being.
Thank you for reading.
i am indigo 